Simple. Impartial. Me.
Blog: It's What's for Dinner

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Yeah...me neither!

Posted by Aaron at 8:59 PM

Aaron: I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls & crushing ice. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for 3 days in a row. I won my wife with my sensuous & god-like trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, & I cook 30-Minute brownies in 20 minutes. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller #9 & have won weekend passes. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, & David Copperfield in one day & still had time to refurnish an entire dining room that night. I know the exact location of every item in the supermarket. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep it’s in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Yet I have not yet mastered separating lights & darks for my laundry.

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